User:Piemanmoo/Wikipediaparody

From Mann Co. CEO Saxton Hale

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being interrupted during my morning exercise routine with internet-related nonsense. Can a man not hold a rhinoceros in a headlock with his thighs without being bothered by his assistants about some gibberish having to do with "Wikis" and "Hosting Servers" and "Not Holding a Rhinoceros in a Headlock With One's Own Thighs"?

When I was told that I was supposed to give this appeal on behalf of this strange website, I was astounded that many other of these so-called wikis have similar appeals with one major difference: they are made to beg for money. The very though of me having to stoop to that level makes my blood boil, forcing me to disembowel an endangered species. Don't look at me, Mother Nature, this wouldn't have happened if those other sites had the decency not to be panhandling!

That's why I can fully stand behind Valve Corporation (I company which I assume I hold a controlling stock in) for generously hosting this wiki, and never getting on their hands and knees to plead for their unwashed user-base to support them.

Now don't get me wrong; I have a healthy amount of respect for individuals with as keen of an interest in cataloging guns as I do. And while their heart may be in the right place, most tragically their hair is not (here's a hint: It's supposed to be on your chest, not your neck).

But aside from that, I only hope you folks take time out of your day to give a little bit of thanks to the folks at Valve for hosting this site for you, out of their own pocket. Being grateful isn't just polite- It's the Australian way! It's the MANN CO. WAY!

-Saxton Hale

Australian

CEO Mann Co.