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The Hat Describing Contest is a contest that was announced on August 24, 2010.

Following criticism that previous TF2 contests shunned players without a more than average skill in computer modelling, the TF2 team announced this contest in the blog post with an aim to reach the majority of the community, albeit those registered on the forums. The object of the contest is to allow members of the community to give descriptions to the various in game hats.

Guidelines and Deadline

The deadline for the Hat Describing Contest was August 27, 2010. Submissions were posted in their proper threads on the Steam Users' Forums.

Submission Rules

  • Give a brief, interesting description of the item in 75 words or less.
  • You must be the sole author of the description and the material must be original to you.
  • The winning descriptions for each item will be determined by the TF2 team and may be used in game.

Prizes

There are no prizes per se, besides the winner's entries being added to the game.

Winners

Scout

Winner Item Description
TheTwoTonHammer Backpack Batter's Helmet.png You'll be batting a thousand (skulls in) when you don this red piece of plastic!
PrO-bOy Backpack Bonk Helm.png When drinking one radioactive beverage at a time is not enough.
Doreauxgard42 Backpack Ye Olde Baker Boy.png Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!
AndyAML Backpack Baseball Bill's Sports Shine.png Everyone knows that speed is a Scout’s best friend. Why weigh yourself down with bulky hats when you can break the sound barrier without them?
spam_word Backpack Troublemaker's Tossle Cap.png Straight outta control point.
Sketch56 Backpack Whoopee Cap.png You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of fashion for the discerning youth.

Soldier

Winner Item Description
Man Of Faith ™ Backpack Soldier's Stash.png This hat does not in any way, shape or form, promote smoking or gambling.
DrMelon Backpack Tyrant's Helm.png I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING HAT.
cypherx82 Backpack Stainless Pot.png Protects cranium from bullets and shrapnel. Also heats soup.
Lamech Backpack Gentle Manne's Service Medal.png Given to those few, brave soldiers whom stood guard valiantly, without sleep, nourishment, or a social life.
f3doraman Backpack Killer's Kabuto.png A haiku for war. To defeat one's enemies. Honor the crocket.
peregrine7 Backpack Sergeant's Drill Hat.png This hat is a handy replacement for profanity-filled ranting when you don't feel like shouting yourself hoarse.

Pyro

Winner Item Description
Colonelcool Backpack Respectless Rubber Glove.png It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire.
crushilista Backpack Triboniophorus Tyrannus.png At least he's still telling you to burn things.
ASpieboy Backpack Vintage Merryweather.png Pyro wears this in tribute to the many firefighters who have perished trying to quell his flames.
JJ10DMAN Backpack Whiskered Gentleman.png The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available, for the discerning gentleman of conflagration.

Demoman

Winner Item Description
icenine0 Backpack Tippler's Tricorne.png Three sharp corners mean one sharp hat. Don't poke your eye out.

Heavy

Winner Item Description
Potatoblight Backpack Officer's Ushanka.png This hat was made of bear hands. That bear was killed with bare hands.
FarazParsa Backpack Tough Guy's Toque.png Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.
Silentman Backpack Hound Dog.png Your opponents will be all shook up when they see these sweet shades and coif.

Engineer

Winner Item Description
ravn0s Backpack Mining Light.png For Engineers with bright ideas.
drewhead118 Backpack Texas Ten Gallon.png Though it looks like a simple ten-gallon hat, this modern feat of engineering actually contains more moving parts than a level 2 Sentry Gun.
FarazParsa Backpack Texas Slim's Dome Shine.png Sometimes you just need a little less hat.
Shapechanger Backpack Hotrod.png Mock the sun with streaks of flame as the UV rays bounce harmlessly away from your eyeballs.
foxtrot261 Backpack Safe'n'Sound.png It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the Safe'n'Sound!

Medic

Winner Item Description
This_Is_Not_Spy Backpack Prussian Pickelhaube.png A relic from one war brought into another. Your enemy will get the point.
CptObvious Backpack Otolaryngologist's Mirror.png We can't pronounce it either.
AgentJAK Backpack Physician's Procedure Mask.png Scrub in... things are about to get messy.
Esquilax Backpack Gentleman's Gatsby.png While lacking the cachet of other hats, the Gatsby nonetheless possesses its own sartorial elegance. Its understated and affable charm appeals to everyone, whether playing a round of golf with friends or performing non-elective surgery with a well-polished Bonesaw.

Sniper

Winner Item Description
Limeaide Backpack Trophy Belt.png Any old sap can pull teeth from a dead crocodile. It takes a man to pull teeth from a live one.
Nineaxis Backpack Professional's Panama.png A polite, efficient hat to wear when killing everyone you meet.
Magi Kavin Backpack Master's Yellow Belt.png Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen.
Jinbei Backpack Ritzy Rick's Hair Fixative.png His bullet was close. I lost my hat. My bullet was closer. He lost his head.
G.I.R. Backpack Shooter's Sola Topi.png Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads.
Reclaimer077 Backpack Bloke's Bucket Hat.png Gone Snipin'.

Spy

Winner Item Description
Kenori Backpack Fancy Fedora.png This smooth, suave, silk-lined beauty can turn any amateur backstabber into a handsome rogue.
caeonosphere Backpack Backbiter's Billycock.png For when you wish your head was a little taller, but just as round on top.
Codo Backpack Camera Beard.png You wouldn't mind if I read this top secret document with my beard, would you?
Shapechanger Backpack Magistrate's Mullet.png They say justice is blind. What they don't tell you is that justice is also invisible, and also less interested in justice than murder.

All class

Winner Item Description
AndyAML Backpack Cheater's Lament.png Though some would stop at nothing to achieve hats, you remained resolute and incorruptible in your quest for head decorations. For that, you have been rewarded.
Esquilax Backpack Ghastly Gibus.png Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combined with the heady aromas of mould and grave dust.
Duffren Backpack Mildly Disturbing Halloween Mask.png Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.
Calvary Backpack Bill's Hat.png Left 4 You.
Fredrik1ST Backpack Modest Pile of Hat.png Because a Gentleman is not one without one.
Nekopawed Backpack Noble Amassment of Hats.png For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat.
Coconuts Backpack Towering Pillar of Hats.png A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.
crushilista Backpack Mercenary.png Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it.
Optimus357 Backpack Soldier of Fortune.png Sure, some may have been doing it longer. But you've proven few can do it better.
SappinMySentry Backpack Grizzled Veteran.png Display this on your chest proudly, Soldier. Each time you kill someone, they'll know they weren't the first.
NB820 Backpack Primeval Warrior.png A true warrior's medal, given to those who fought before the battle even started.
Grug Backpack Alien Swarm Parasite.png This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

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